Having made what I thought was the biggest decision of my life – I found myself faced with an even bigger decision – how does a single woman go about getting pregnant?
I thought it through and decided there are really only three options available:
Option 1 – sleep with every man who comes my way. This has some potential benefits of course but then it has some major downsides too. Almost more important than the obvious risks of nasty ailments is the fact that somewhere out there my child will have a father who had absolutely no knowledge that they were bringing a child into the world. On finding out I imagine that they would not be too happy about the predicament and that isn’t the best premise for fatherhood.
Option 2 – ask a friend. I made a list – albeit a short one. I considered the husband of an old friend. They had both offered his services some years before when the idea of my going it alone had first arisen. Unfortunately the man concerned already has four children by three different women – adding a fourth to the equation seemed tantamount to a modern commune. I contemplated other friends and particularly one lovely man who is single, in his late 40s and is quite open about his desire to have a family. One night after several drinks and some Dutch courage, I popped the question: “How would you like to be the father of my child?” He was surprised to say the least.
He is of course, like many men of his age, secure in the knowledge that he has plenty of time to go down the usual route – meet a girl, fall in love, get married and start a family. What struck me at this point is that men and women are not so different when it comes to the biological clock. Men are aware that they can carry on having children well into their dotage – what they don’t seem to have considered is that they still need a young woman to help them fulfill that dream. Whilst they can be knocking fifty and happily ticking along with their bachelor lifestyle, they seem to have missed the fact that to start a family they will need to find a woman some fifteen or twenty years younger than they are. And men, unlike woman, are not in a position to go it alone easily, which renders them not so very different to women in the biological stakes. Whilst it was not the right time for him, my friend has started to think about it and I have moved on to option 3.
Option 3 – finding a donor. I finally considered my third option, going to a clinic for a donor. After much deliberation I realised that I wanted a family life, I didn’t want to have to share Christmas, Easter, birthdays and summer holidays, with another person and as I’m not involved with a man – why complicate matters by adding one into the equation?
I researched a number of fertility clinics and chose a highly respected one based in London. Whilst many people choose their clinic using national pregnancy statistics I must say that I really chose my clinic based on a friend’s recommendation and the successful birth of her daughter. I made my initial appointment to discuss the donor options and my next steps.
